Local Punk on Crime Spree at U.P. Elementary

This morning at University Park Elementary School students heard from their principal during announcements about 2 unsolved bathroom crimes that have restored my faith in the children of today taken the first grade hall hostage.

  1. Some little punk has been smearing soap all over the bathroom floor so that students enter and fall down. Or according to the principal, “wasting resources and creating a dangerous environment.”
  2. A student has been sliding underneath the stalls after locking the doors from the inside, making “emergencies” quite intense.

They will find you, you little brat. And when they do, well, I’m not sure what’ll happen but they’ll totally find you.

By Merritt Patterson Sep. 15, 2010 | 10:07 am | 5 Comments | Comments RSS
5 comments to "Local Punk on Crime Spree at U.P. Elementary"
  1. Sharpay @ September 15, 2010 at 11:02 am
    Based on the crime scene – the girls’ bathroom, we need to be looking for Bonnie, not Clyde. And someone who is not a germophobe.

  2. Eat Boogers & Die @ September 16, 2010 at 9:19 am
    This is awesome! Na na, na, na, nahhhhh!

  3. A. B. @ September 16, 2010 at 10:02 am
    Oh, how Mayberry-esque. Alert Barney Fife!

  4. HPOutsider @ September 16, 2010 at 10:03 am
    “We gonna find you”
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKsVSBhSwJg

  5. AD @ September 21, 2010 at 9:07 am
    Don’t worry when they get caught mommy and daddy will hire a lawyer and defend him/her as being a victim and any punishment might prevent him/her from getting into that ivy league school

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