Urgent Request: Bullying Advice Needed
A reader and first time parent of a child being bullied at school sent an e-mail requesting help from you.
Help me! My child, a sixth grader, is experiencing some bullying by a kid who is known for this type of thing. The bully is doing a lot of verbal stuff out of ear shot range of the teacher and also trips my kid and runs into him in the hall extra hard knocking him down and saying it was an accident. How long do you wait to go to the teacher or higher? Should I call the mom of the bully first?
Well, just don’t do this. I mean it might work for you but it didn’t feel super effective to me.
By Merritt Patterson
Nov. 9, 2010 | 11:47 am | 22 Comments | Comments RSS
22 comments to "Urgent Request: Bullying Advice Needed"
Counseling the victim of bullying, and not the bullies, is like treating the symptom, not the cause. Might make it feel better, but doesn’t stop the problem.
@ Cynthia S- Good for you. Even if they react like that during the discussion, at least it is on their radar screen
In the middle school, I know that they take it very seriously. Going to the counselor and the principals is absolutely the right thing to do. Good luck.
If they see it being done, confront it, end it.
Case in point: some genius was making fun of a special needs kid in elem last year. I was proud when a mom called my wife and said she saw one of my boys end it. No wiggle room. No excuses. END. IT.
Sadly – in this day and age – going to the other parent no longer works, because too many parents just either don’t care, or don’t think their kid could EVER do something like that. It’s too bad that parents no longer take the side of other parents and teachers, and instead run to the defense of their kid.
My first thought it that the parents of a bully KNOW what their kid is doing and for some reason can’t/won’t stop it. But with the current separation of kids and parents (parents out socializing/kids on their computers) I think many parents don’t have a clue what their kids are doing – or even who their kids are!
you kick them.
as hard as you can, in the shins.
no one can fight laying on the ground.
2. first to the school, then hope for but do not expect a positive change, if no change,
3. then to the parents, they will likely deny it, but the problem will probably improve, but if not,
4. then teach your child to retaliate
while they are laying on the ground, holding their
shin(s) and writhing, you point at them, and at
the top of your lungs you shout “BULLY!!!”
you get kicked in the back of the knee going up the stairs
you get punched in the arm walking down the hall
you get ketchup poured into your dessert in the cafeteria
all of the kids ignore you at recess
the bullies claim you are being a bully
the bullies mutter nasty things at you under their breath
the kids stand up and go to another table as you sit down at lunch
they grab your backpack knocking you over backwards
they grab your lunch and won’t give it back
if you get up to get a napkin at lunch, they throw your lunch away
they constantly knock your pencil off your desk
and so on and so on
All of these things can occur without teachers seeing or hearing them, and the teachers often cannot believe that these things are happening. Sometimes the positive reputation of the bullies’ parents can make the administration less likely to believe your child. Who wants to punish the kid whose parents donate big bucks to the school or whose parent is the room mom? Since we haven’t had any trouble in the middle school, I’m speaking about elementary school experiences.
back in the day at UP elementary,
the third grade class bully, preachers kid, of course.
he just picked on everybody.
one day, he picked on the wrong guy.
the guy, a current HP school board member,
called the bully out, under the “monkey bars”
on the UP play field, during recess.
one punch. and down the bully went.
no more bullying. ever.
if this happened today, there would have been
expulsion for the guy, counseling, therapy.
maybe a lawsuit.
but in the mid 60′s “playground justice” was
sweet and complete.
At the middle school a boy was physically and verbally abusing my same child. My husband and I gave her permission to defend herself and fight back for the first time in her life, and even told her what to do: Kick them in the shins as hard as you can! The school would never support this idea, but I was just sick of teaching my daughter to always be nice only for her to be singled out as weak and be beaten upon by a large boy. I told her that if she ended up in the principal’s office for fighting back, she wouldn’t be in trouble with us. So the next time the bully pushed her, she kicked him twice and shoved him back and the physical abuse stopped cold.
I thought it was over and then the bully started up again a month later with calling her names. I emailed her teachers and they immediately informed the principals, vice-principals, assistant principals and whozits in charge, and the kid was brought in the next day and dealt with. His mother was called and lots of meetings occurred about his horrid actions. My daughter was also counseled, and so in the end, I was pleased with the school’s response.
The biggest problem is that bullying is so prevalent these days, and I don’t know if the schools can ever effectively stop it. I would love to see more talks given encouraging the bystanders to step in and help if they see bullying in action. Make it seem heroic that they could help out a fellow student. Identify the Alpha-students of each class and get them to start a movement of intolerance of all bullying. My daughter said the thing that hurt her the most was that her classmates didn’t step in to support her and even laughed sometimes.
My heart goes out to you and your child. Call and email the school. Make them do something and be completely 110% supportive of your child. This is why we are here.
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