More on the Role of Local Clergy
A little over a year ago we discussed clergy access to HPISD students. I said it then and I’ll say it now, I like it. To a certain extent. But have we jumped the shark?
This e-mail went out to a group of 7th/8th grade girls from a local church youth leader. While I agree with the theme of dressing appropriately, I have an uneasy feeling about a few items. Let me start with the mention of school. If my kid passes Bohac and every teacher from 1st-4th period but a minister shows up at lunch and tells her she’s dressed inappropriately- big problem. And if we’re discussing appropriate, how about this line, “when we’re sitting around and I can see your boobs hanging out of your top.” Maybe we could polish that part a little?
Hello beautiful girls,
Growing up, whenever my parents needed to talk to us about something, we would have family meetings. It didn’t mean we were in trouble, but it did mean that there was something serious to talk about. This email is my version of a family meeting.Lately in Sunday School and in small groups (and sometimes even just at your schools), I have noticed a trend in your clothes. Skirts and dresses are shorter and tighter and tops are lower and looser, and I have seen underwear, bras and skin that I just don’t need or want to see.Here’s the thing. I’m a grown woman. I love looking pretty and dressing in style, as I’m sure you’ve noticed. I love seeing you girls dress cute and enjoy what you wear. But, when we’re sitting around and I can see your boobs hanging out of your top, or your underwear when you sit down, or your bra is showing, it’s distracting – and not in a good way. I’d much rather be noticing how beautiful you are than how shocked I am at how little you are wearing (and I’d venture to say that most boys would too). It isn’t attractive. It just makes other people uncomfortable.I am sorry if this email comes across harsh, but this is one of those things that has to be confronted seriously. We aren’t going to be enforcing any sort of dress code like at school, but I am going to start saying something if I think what you’re wearing is inappropriate. And let’s just face it, that’s embarrassing for both you and me.I love you all, and I think you’re all beautiful. Hope you know that.Much love,[Name]
40 comments to "More on the Role of Local Clergy "
Not that I trust all of the parents decision on appropriate dress, but that’s another issue.
I was at the school today (MIS) and walked into the lunch room. Not everyone is appropriately dressed at school. A lot of the girls are pushing the limits. I saw really short shorts and bras everywhere. When these girls sit down or bend over there may be more exposed.
Fashion is fun and these “looks” can be done well without exposing body parts. I remember when “leaving something to the imagination” was intriguing.
We occasionally ask our girls “When you got dressed today did you dress so someone would notice your face or your body?” It always makes them think – and sometimes change their outfit.
appropriate message from a church leader to members of her own “flock.” (I’m assuming that this was sent to only her own youth-group
members.) I still think it’s a bit creepy and questionable the way the clergy at HPISD appear to have more access (at least in practice) to the Intermediate and Middle School kids during the school day than the parents. But that’s a different topic.
1. Inappropriate clothing has no place in school.
2. Religious indoctrination has no place in school.
I am all for this letter. As long as this youth leader wasn’t sending her letter to girls who aren’t part of her church group, more power to her. If a girl or her parents disagrees with the letter, tell her, discuss it, ignore it, or complain to or leave the church.
Too many girls are not taken seriously because they show too much skin. The girls need to know that is what they are doing. Then they can make an informed choice.
leave the house looking apropriate but then
change into inappropriat clothing once at school.
Girls are more clever than we let on. They may not
know they look trampy and need someone to tell
them wich (name) did a good job of , very brave.
After lunch we approached Mr. Bohac to question why in the heck he didn’t enforce the dress code, and he promised he’d address it. Said post spring break is always a problem.
Let’s hope the parents who are buying these clothes get it. This minister is very brave and bold and I am really proud of her.
The boys look great – Khaki shorts, tee shirts …
I think the intentions were good but the idea that a minister would “override” the judgment of a parent crosses a line.
Concerning the wording of the e-mail, though it might be typical for junior high girls to say “boobs hanging out” it’s not ideal for that to be the example from grown-ups they are encouraged to follow. Another way to say it could have been, “Look I don’t want to see everyone hanging out of their clothing…” or something along those lines. It’s still casual but more of an example.
All of that said, I like this church staffer and hope her positive influence will continue to impact these young girls in a way that is consistent with the parents.
Sort of like being told at church that Harry Potter is a bad book. If you disagree you let your kid read it, but maybe she doesn’t take it with her to church activities.
Back to the original email discussing what girls are wearing Sunday mornings – part of that comes from the contemporary shift in worship. the “whatever” attitude towards clothing. Head down to Bishop TD Jakes any sunday, and see how to really dress! Or even visit your own sanctuary for a change. Covering up and dressing up for church used to mean something. Now everyone is untucked and disheveled – can you blame the girls for slacking off?
LARS ROOD: Thank you for identifying yourself. Over a month ago, my husband was walking our dog at night. He came upon two 13-14 year old boys smoking a bong in the alley between University and Glenwick. He asked them where they lived and they replied, “Uh, we just came over from the church.” After telling them to “stop being so stupid,” he let them go. I’m pretty sure this was a thursday night, but it might have been friday. I just thought you might like to know about it, and try to prevent/address the issue. I’m sure their parents would be horrified to know they left the HPPC campus to go smoke pot in the alley.
When our kids won’t listen to us, I’m thankful for the positive influences offered by other caring adults. This might just be the message that gets through. Instead of “fuddy duddy mom” saying the clothes are too skimpy, it’s “cool hip youth leader”. I appreciate the help.
A friend of mine helped with this years 8th grade career day. The kids were told to dress nicely, as if looking for a job. My friend, and several of the presenters, were shocked by what some of the girls wore. Apparently, by their dress, they are setting their sights on the world’s oldest profession. What are the parents thinking letting their 13-14 year old girls dress like that?
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703899704576204580623018562.html
Maybe the problem is the consequences are probably only inconvenience: cover up with a sweater or Tshirt, at worst call for a ride to go home and change. Do they ever punish with after school or cafeteria detentions, or negative attention, for violations?
Maybe the middle school should have choir robes or burqa-inspired coverups that kids who violate the dress code have to wear over their clothes for the rest of the day. Allow for one warning per kid. No going home to change.
Gee, I feel old and mean.
Thanks for the link, I read that in the WSJ a few days ago and thought about it reading this post.
Methinks the problem is at home, and parents trying to be friends rather than parents.
Our rabbi gave our daughter clear instructions about wearing an appropriate dress and low-heeled shoes at her bat mitzvah. The mostly Highland Park crowd of girls who attended also were dressed nicely and behaved beautifully. Not all girls dress provocatively.
Most commenters here support the youth leader’s position. Is she upset with Merritt for publishing her letter?
Thank you church youth leaders for making a good point!
1. Optional school uniforms. Let the parents decide which to wear. The kids would get used to it (just like some wear cheerleading uniforms).
2. School vouchers for everyone. Yea, HPISD is a great school district, but if I want to send my kid to a school where religion is emphasized as a core value, then I (& everyone else) should have that option without the government intervening in my choice and I being forced to pay for two schools (private & public) at once.
3. Religion classes: I believe teaching the kids about ALL religions would help them to better understand each other and respect each other’s constitutional rights.
1. The email in question was sent out by a youth leader of a local church to the girls and parents of that church’s youth group ONLY. No kids or parents outside of that church youth group received the email.
2. While at any HPISD school, the youth leader in question has never addressed attire with any student. In the EMAIL, the youth leader observes the progression of attire that the girls have begun wearing to church functions/activities (i.e. Sunday School and small group sessions during the week), with a passing comment about school, and expresses legitimate concern about that attire.
For whatever it’s worth, several folks from the church involved (myself included) feel that the above facts are important to the tangents that have been expressed, instead of leaving these facts out of the discussion.
The school comment was only made in the email as a side observation. She never addressed any girl about their attire while physically present at the school.
Your confusion is exactly why I made my post. Though I hate using the phrase, this whole topic was taken “out-of-context”, leading to assumptions and insinuations that are not true.
Simply put, this was a church email, sent to an affiliated church group, addressing what girls had been wearing to church.
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